Gratitude is a very tricky thing. Even for Selenid and I who are very active in practicing it. So much so that we talk about it on an almost daily basis and I practice it internally (just about) every day. However, last week, we received a reminder of just how much we have to be grateful for from an unexpected visitor.
What is gratitude so difficult?
I think it comes down to habituation. Habituation is a normal human process as a very cellular level. It's required to keep us in a state of equilibrium. That's why, when we jump a cold pool, it stops feeling cold after a bit of time. Our body's habituate to it. There are tons more of physiologic examples we could go through but the temperature one always seems to be the best.
But it also happens psychologically. And it happens in the sense of our lifestyle too. We habituate to our living conditions. 6 years ago, Selenid and I lived in a small apartment in Manhattan. Samuel and Emery were babies at the time and slept own the bedroom. We slept on an air mattress in the living area. For a year we did this! It became normal and no big deal.
Then I became an attending and we moved to Buffalo. We bought (against my own advice) a big house with 5 bedrooms and a yard and tons of living space. It felt like jumping into a cold pool in the absolute best sense. Every second was a reminder of what we had to be grateful for.
But then we habituated. Even though we actively remind ourselves of what we have and how hard we worked for it, we continue to grow accustomed. And often, we even want more.
Our unexpected reminder to be grateful
So, last week, we cleaned out our basement. We did this in preparation for the unfinished “storage” area of the basement to be finished.
After the clean out, we had a ton of stuff that was either junk or we just didn't need anymore. Way too much to be thrown out in our own trash. So, we called a junk removal company and they came by later that day.
I actually wasn't home at this point, but Selenid showed the workers to the basement and they took care of everything. But after they finished, a young worker hesitated as he seemed to build up courage. He then asked Selenid, “What did you guys do to be able to live in a house like this? I want to do the same thing for me and my family. How can you do it?”
Selenid was completely caught off guard. And so was I when she called me immediately after and told me the story.
She ended up spending some time with him and talking about how it wasn't always like this for us and how we worked and even our strategies of creating a savings rate, investing it, and planning for financial freedom.
He thanked her and was on her way. But Selenid and I kept talking about it for days and days.
The impact of a different perspective
It's so easy to get caught up in your daily routine so that it feels like, well, a routine. We all do that. The problem is that, especially as physicians, we forget just how exciting our routine is, how hard we worked to get here, how much we would have done anything to get where we are today, how much we truly have, and how much others would live to be in our situation…personally, professionally, financially, and so on.
Yes, there will always be “more.” And there's nothing wrong with pursuing that “more.” But that is not mutually exclusive to being truly grateful and focusing on that.
Gathering different perspectives can really help us to recognize this. Like I said, we actively practice gratitude. And this still completely blew us away! So that is not enough.
My takeaway from this is: Get yourself outside of your comfort zone, learn from new perspectives, and immerse yourself in helping others on their journey!
Take yourself from the GAP and into the GAIN!
What do you think? Have you ever had a reminder to be grateful like this? Have you habituated to your life? How can you get outside of that? Let me know in the comments below!
